the universe listens to brave
by elleigator
Summary: Continuation of Divine Justice. Just my feelings of what happened after the episode ended- Chloe/Ange.


_"She was never _

_quite ready. _

_But she was brave,_

_and the universe listens to brave."_

_\- Rebecca Ray_

"I think I've always blamed her." Chloe realises, blinking slowly in surprise.

The thoughts are just swirling, around and around, a wavepool of memories that can't even be called memories because they are so fresh. It is a sense of deja vu, in a strange way, a sense of knowing this before it was coming, and an awful feeling of closure. She shouldn't feel closure, and she doesn't, but for now it is the only word that she can think of. Less closure, more of understanding. A sick sense of understanding, but understanding nonetheless. She can't decide what to focus on first- what to think about first. Does she think about what happened only hours ago, what he did to her, what he took from her? Does she think about this new level of understanding for her mother, this new feeling of compassion? Or does she think about the whole new kind of self-hatred she has developed? This is how her mother felt, she realises. This is how you came about, and this is how you will go.

She twitches and shakes the thought out of her head. She will not let him do this to her. He is lying there, on his hospital bed, knowing how she is feeling. He knows. He did it because he _knew. _He knew about Ange, he knew about Chloe's beginnings and that's why he did it. He understood. Evan is not good at many things, but he has an uncanny ability to understand people and then manipulate them. You could call him a sociopath, sure- a psychopath, maybe, but you could never say that he didn't understand people. He understands them far too well. _What would he not want you to do? _She asks herself. _Because that's probably what you should be doing. He would want you to feel weak_, Chloe decides. _What makes you feel brave? Who makes you feel strong, feel worth something, feel like enough?_

"I need to see my Mum." Her voice croaks, breaking the silence and making Sheena glance up. "Can you please call my Mum?"

Sheena nods, stands, walks out of the room and Chloe's mind starts to wander.

_Is this what your father was like? Does Ange see him the way you see Evan? A monster? You know what she thinks of Evan, she's made that much clear. Could you love a child of his? If she hates your father, does she hate you because of it? Has she been lying to you this whole time? All of these years, you've blamed her for your self-hatred, your inability to cope as a functioning adult, but it's not her after all- it's just you._

The door opens again and makes her jump back to reality. She's crouched over the sofa, heart pounding, body aching in places she didn't know could ache. Her breaths come in short gasps, never quite managing to inhale enough air but not inhaling an amount small enough to kill her. _Get a grip._

"Chloe, take nice, deep breaths." Sheena says. _Chloe, stop being so dramatic. Stop drawing so much attention to yourself._

"Chloe, you need to breathe. In, and out, and in, and out." Sheena counts for her, kneeling in front of her.

"Your Mum'll be here soon. Just try and keep breathing, okay?" _Why do you even bother? Keep your head together, you're going mental._

"Make it shut up, please." Chloe chokes out between heaving gasps.

"Make what shut up, Chloe? Talk to me, sweetheart." _They can't hear it. They can't hear me. It's just you, because you're going insane. Can you even remember what happened earlier? Are you making it all up again? Liar._

"My Mum." Chloe gasps, her eyes flickering shut, and she squeezes them slightly.

"Your Mum won't be long, I promise. Did you hear the door go just then? That was probably her." Sure enough, the door bursts open and her mother is standing there like some sort of fucking angel, her face contorted with worry. She rushes in, her hair coming out of its ponytail, falling over her shoulders, and she kneels down in front of Chloe, hands on her daughter's shoulders.

"Oh, sweetheart. I'm here, I'm here. I'm so sorry." She reaches up to cup Chloe's face with soft hands, soft soft soft hands. She runs her thumbs over the tears, brushing them away, before pulling herself up and onto the sofa, where her daughter falls into her.

"I'm sorry too." She chokes out, clinging to Ange. Her fingers scrabble at her Mother's arms, desperate for them to hold her tighter, pull her closer, convince her that someone is here and someone loves her. Ange does just that, pressing Chloe's head to her shoulder and letting it stifle her sobs until they subside.

"Keep breathing, doll. I've got you." She whispers into Chloe's ear, feeling her breaths even out and slow down.

"It hurts, Mum." Chloe whimpers, fingers toying with the fabric of Ange's sleeves.

"I know." Ange says, stroking her hair and running her fingers through the tangles in it.

"Oh my God, it hurts." Chloe buries her head even further into her mother's shoulder, tears streaming down and mouth open in a silent cry.

"I know." Ange repeats, her heart breaking to see her daughter like this. She doesn't know what she was expecting, but it wasn't this. Silence, maybe, coldness, even, but she wasn't expecting the breakdown until they got home, when they were alone and Chloe could just let it all go.

"Can you take me home?" She whispers in her mother's ear, avoiding all eye contact with Sheena.

"Yeah, yeah. Of course, doll. Are you in pain? Do you need anything stronger?" Ange pulls away from her slightly, holding her gently by the shoulders and scrutinising her face. Chloe shakes her head deliberately and Ange knows she is lying, but doesn't push it. They can deal with that later.

"Just want to go home." Chloe's voice cracks, her eyes pleading.

"I can do that, sweetheart. Can we do that?" She looks up to check with Sheena, but Chloe knows that she will, with or without permission.

"Of course. Whenever you're ready. We have all the evidence we were able to get." Sheena gives them both a bracing smiled Ange nods, satisfied.

—

"I would have come with you. Earlier, I mean. I would have been there for you." Ange says quietly, reversing her car out of the parking spot outside the SARC later that evening.

"I just wanted to get it over with." Chloe replies, staring at her reflection in the wing mirror. Part of her wishes her Mum had been there to hold her hand, distract her while they poked and prodded, hold her as she cried through the second invasion in the last twenty four hours.

"Was it bad?" Ange asks softly, glancing at her daughter before looking back out at the road distantly.

"Yeah."

They're silent for the rest of the journey, both having too many words to form into coherent sentences, too many emotions to pass off as feelings.

"Do you want the guest room, or should I do the sofa bed for you?" Ange questions as she shrugs off her coat and helps Chloe out of her own. Chloe doesn't reply, stares at the floor ashamedly, walks into the living room, running a hand through her hair.

"Or you can come in with me?" Ange volunteers, and Chloe nods quickly. _That's what she was looking for_, Ange thinks. _She's numbed herself down, now, and she's looking for comfort_.

"I think your pyjamas are still in the guest room, if you want them. I won't be long, you get changed and I'll come up once I've put my bag away." Ange suggests. She hasn't ever put her bag away in the ten months she's had the house, but feels the sudden need for a made-up routine and a few moments to gather her thoughts.

—-

Ten minutes later, she pushes open her bedroom door to see her daughter sat at her dressing table, trying to run a brush through her hair but her hand shaking too much to get it very far. Her eyes are crinkled in frustration, her legs bouncing nervously. Ange closes the door behind her, catching Chloe's eye in the mirror and walking up behind her, lowering her trembling hands from her face gently and taking the brush in her own. She collects Chloe's hair into one hand, parting it into a more manageable section and starting to brush it slowly. Chloe takes a shaky breath, relaxing slightly into the seat as her mother moves the hair back from her face, brushing it until it is soft and sleek without saying a word.

Chloe uses the dressing table to stand up, wincing, and Ange's eyes flash. Chloe can't tell what the emotion is- a mix of anger, hurt, sympathy, rage, a concoction of feelings brewed into one expression. She pulls the un-made covers back as Ange takes out her earrings and ponytail, searches under the messy table for last night's pyjamas and eventually climbs in on her own side, flicking off the light at the same time and rolling over to face Chloe.

"You are so brave, my sweet girl," Her mother strokes her face gently, resting her hand on her shoulder and shuffling forward to embrace her. "You are so brave, but I'm here now, okay? Mum's here. You don't have to brave anymore."


End file.
